Tis the season....

Hey everyone! Once again, I feel obligated to begin this post with an apology for being so lax in posting! So...sorry!! I've been super busy these past few weeks. As many of you may know, I've been interviewing for CRNA school. 2 interviews this past week, with my last one being today at Baptist. Thanks for all of your prayers and well wishes! I feel like today's interview went very well, and I'm keeping my fingers (and toes, for that matter) crossed that I get into the Baptist program!

So onto my weight loss. As of this morning, I have lost 57 pounds! Woohoo!! Each time I step on the scales, I'm so excited to see what the total weight loss will be! I can't wait to step on and see a 1 as the first number....I'm definitely closer than I was 3 months ago.

I'm doing fairly well with my eating, although I've had a few days here and there where things wouldn't go down. I contacted Amber, the dietician, and she said that three things can alter my band tightness: weather, stress, and my menstrual cycle (sorry guys...I just tell you what I know). So, basically, I'm a walking barometer now! Wanna know if it's gonna rain?? Just ask how my foods are going down! Ha! Just call me Lanie Pope! Anyway...I'm trying to focus on my proteins and days I can't eat as well, I just opt for protein shakes...yummy!

Another good goal I've set for myself is to attempt a 5K sometime this spring. I'm working on a program called "Couch to 5K Plan", which takes you from a couch potato to a runner. Seriously...a runner. Crazy, huh?? I'm actually enjoying the tortue, though! It's nice to be able to do something, even just in 1 minute intervals, that I've NEVER been able to do. Plus, it keeps me on track with going to the gym.

I hope everyone has their Christmas shopping done and is not getting overwhelmed with the holidays! While you're fighting traffic at the mall, dealing with annoying and overworked cashiers, and spending all of your hard-earned money, keep in mind the TRUE reason for this holiday. Thanks be to God....for without Him, we have nothing!!

Love to all,
Molly

Short and sweet post....very very sweet!

Hey guys! I'm trying to get out of the house to head to Greenville to visit Michael for Thanksgiving, but I wanted to give a quick update! I've weighed this morning, and have officially lost 50 pounds!! I'm so excited! I feel great, and things truly couldn't be better! I am so thankful for everything I've been through and all of the support from those around me. You are all the best! Will update more after Thanksgiving...
Much love,
Molly

Pictures!! (Sorry I can't figure out how to get my pictures after my text!)

Hey everyone! Happy November 1st! I can't believe it is almost time for Thanksgiving and Christmas....wow, time flies! I am about 7 weeks post op, and decided to do some post-op measurements and pictures today after mom and I worked out. I still don't see much of a difference in my appearance, even though people tell me all the time how different I look! It's tough seeing myself every day, and being able to tell a difference, so these pictures have truly opened my eyes! Not only do they show me how huuuge I was before, I am now able to see a difference...a big difference in only 7 weeks! I'm down 41 pounds, eating solid foods, and extremely happy! I have decided to weigh weekly, thanks for everyone's advice!

I won't go into detail on my actual measurements, but I have lost a total of 22 inches. Measurements include my chest, hips, waist, both arms and both legs. So it averages a loss of about 3 inches per area measured! Not impressed? Get out a ruler and see how long 22 inches is!! Ha!

Now for the pictures...it's obvious which pictures are before and which are after. I am wearing the same shirt, same type of sports bra, but different pants. These pictures have been cropped, but in the originals, you can see the door behind me getting a little larger!! Enjoy the pictures, and I hope everyone has a great week!!

Wow...I'm getting slack already!

Mom was so kind to remind me that today was the 13th of October, and I've only had 1 post this whole month! I've GOT to get better about this blogging! Let's see where to start....

Last week was my 1 month post-op appointment with Fuzz. The appointment is actually a several hour long process where I have vitals taken (including weights), then meet with Jeff (the psychologist), Amber (the nutritionist), Elizabeth (the nurse practitioner), and finally Fuzz. So when I went back for vitals everything looked great. My resting heart rate has actually dropped from the 90's pre-op, to the 70's post op. So if all else fails, my heart is definitely happy with me for letting it take a little break! Then (dum, dum, duuuuuummmmm) the scales. According to their scales, I have lost 28 pounds. When I had weighed 2 weeks prior for my CT scan, I had lost 29 pounds. So I was little bummed about gaining that stupid pound in 2 weeks!

I met with Jeff first. I asked him how I was doing compared to others, got a small lecture on how I shouldn't compare my results with others' in any aspect of my life (that's a psychologist for you! ha), then he said I was doing great! Most lap band patients 1 month post-op (including the 3 week diet) have lost 17 pounds, while bypass patients have lost about 37. At 28 lbs, he said I was actually closer to losing what a bypass patient would lose! That made me feel better!!

Then Amber came in. After a little small talk, she went over a checklist of possible problems I may be having: nausea and vomiting, constipation, overeating, not taking vitamins, etc. I'll spare you all of the gory details, but we discussed any issues I was having and possible resolutions. She also gave me a list of appropriate snack foods (all protein based), and menu ideas for the solid diet. Amber told me that once I had my band adjusted, I would need to be on full liquids for 2 days, then back to pureed foods for 2 days. THEN I get to start solids! Woohoo!! After almost 6 weeks of no real solid foods, I was excited!! We'll get to how this excitement turned into massive pain later...

After Amber, it was Fuzz and Elizabeth's turn. I laid on the table while Elizabeth felt for my port. It's placed right under the skin/fat and is sutured to my abdominal muscles. After some poking, prodding, and me doing a half sit-up, she was able to feel the port really well. THEN CAME THE NEEDLE! Of course I took a picture of the needle, but am having troubles getting it to upload. I'll describe it...it may as well have been a freakin Wendy's straw. It was 5 inches long and thiiiick! Fuzz was real excited to show me the needle and explain what he was getting ready to do with it...little does he know I pass out when I have blood drawn! Ha! After prepping the area with alcohol (rubbing alcohol, not rum...which I would have gladly taken at this point of the appointment), in went the needle and it popped into my port with a fair amount of ease. Shocking, I know....but it didn't hurt at all! I should've known this, but with the needle going through scar tissue, everything was numb. Whew...I was so glad! Fuzz drew back on the syringe to see how much saline was in my band (3cc), then added 1.5cc plus the 3cc he had drawn out. So now my band has a total of 4.5 cc.

I didn't think I'd be able to tell a difference with my band being tightened a little. Yeah...I learned the hard way on Sunday! Here comes the massive pain part! Just a little note...Amber had informed me that my band may be tighter in the morning than in the afternoon, so I may need to stick with a protein shake for breakfast. Makes sense, right? Well, Sunday I figured it would be loose enough to try some scrambled eggs and grits around 10am. Boy was I wrong! 1 bite, and I had the worse pain in my chest! Like I described before, it feels like swallowing something sideways...and it doesn't go down for about 30 minutes! I was miserable! Once it went away, I felt like I could run a marathon (ok...maybe not a marathon, but work with me...) because I felt so much better! After a few hours, my lunch and everything afterwards went down great. Most people may learn from their mistakes, but not the funny fat chick! I decided to try eggs and grits AGAIN on Monday..thinking maybe it was a fluke that it had hurt. Nope. Dead wrong. This time I started out with grits, that subsequently got stuck and stayed for about 30 minutes in my chest and throat. MISERY! They say that this process is all about trial and error, but I'm thinking from here on out, everything will get 1 trial before it's tossed out the window!

I know today's Tuesday and everyone wants to know how much I've lost, but I've decided to stop weighing once a week. It's become discouraging to go from losing 13 pounds in one week to losing .2 now. I'm thinking about weighing every other week? What do you think? I don't want to be obsessed with the numbers...I know I can't gain 5 lbs in 2 weeks (unless I relied only on milkshakes every day!), so I don't think there's any danger in cutting back on my weigh-in days. Don't get me wrong..I'm thankful for every pound I lose! But I also know how I feel when I weigh the same 2 weeks in a row! Anyone have any good ideas??

I know I promised to update more last time, but I'm serious about it now! This blog is helpful to me by allowing me to get out all of my worries and frustrations, and I hope it's helpful to others'! Until next time,
Molly

One goal down!

Good evening everyone! Sorry it's taken me a while to post a new message, but I finally got caught up enough to do it. I started back to work last week, and have been working on applications for nurse anesthesia school. Whew...the deadline was October 1st and I made it with a few days to spare! Now comes the hard part of waiting for an interview!

This past Tuesday marked 3 weeks since I've had surgery. Part of me feels like it was just yesterday, but other parts feel like it was years ago! I feel like the lifestyle I'm leading now is one I've led for a loooong time. It's really starting to become second nature to me. So for the grand total weight lost...31 pounds! I've officially met my first goal: to lost 10% of my starting body weight. I even went over that 10%. I was so excited to get to this point. They say that just losing 10% of your body weight drastically drops your risk of health complications, so I'm happy to get that first 10% gone!

I had a little scare last week. I started back to work on Wednesday, and by 11am had horrible shoulder pain, which I had been dismissing as leftover gas pains from surgery. They were awful!! The next night, I went to my first support group meeting and talked with Amber, who said she would check with Fuzz. She called me Friday morning at work and said Fuzz wanted to see me in the clinic that day. I went, he examined me, and decided to do a CT scan to rule out a perforation or any complications. I kinda freaked out! (not on the outside, of course, just on the inside...I couldn't look like a psycho!) So after all of that, he said I was fine and my lab work looked good. It is possible that it was referred pain from the connecting part of the band to the port laying on my diaphragm. Thank goodnesss!! Since then, the pain has been happening less and less, and I feel sooo much better! He did drop my hours at work to 8 hour days until my follow up appointment next Thursday, so I've picked up an extra day each week. Whew!

Support group was great! First was support group for lap-band patients. In it, everyone asked each other questions and discussed their progress. It felt great to be with people that understood exactly what I was going through! Afterwards, the general meeting began with lap band and bypass patients together. During this meeting, the people from Pacer Bikes came and talked about the benefits of biking. It was very interesting, and really made me want to go out and buy one! Overall, I felt great when I left the meeting...very inspired to continue to work on this.

Hmmm...what else?! OH! EATING! I got to start real foods this past Sunday!! Of course, everything has to either come out of a blender or look like it did. I was a little worried, but so far, so good! Tonight, I'm making ground turkey with marinara sauce, topped with cheese. Yum! I'm trying to introduce new foods everyday to see what I can and can not tolerate. My favorite so far? Wendy's chili! Yep...I've actually eaten beef! For those of you that don't know, I haven't eaten beef since I was 13 years old...it all started with a bet, but when I realized I didn't miss it, I kept it out of my diet. Now, however, I need the protein, so I had to buckle down and try eating it again. YUM YUM YUM!

That's all for now...I promise I'll be better about posting so you're not forced to read 5 page long posts! This week, I'd like to give a special thanks and "lub ya" to Meena for sitting with me and mom before my ct scan, and harrassing the radiology department enough that I didn't have to wait all day!!

Mucho love,
Molly

2 weeks out...time for reality to start!

Ahhh...I'm finally 2 weeks out of surgery! I can't believe it's only been 2 weeks. It seriously feels like years ago! Maybe it's from all of the changes I've made. It's amazing how being in control of my weight/eating habits, has translated into my home life. Don't get me wrong...my house is not spotless. BUT, those of you who knew me before surgery know house cleaning was not my forte! Now I'm not scared of a "drop-in" guest (even though it's still my pet peeve!). It's a very odd side effect, but I'm not complaining!

Ok ok ok...now to what everyone wants to know. Tuesdays are my "official" weigh in day. As of today, I've lost 28 pounds! For those of you that are counting...that's 15 pounds since surgery! Woohoo!! It's such a high to weigh and see the scales going lower and lower! I can't tell I've lost weight yet, except in my t-shirts. Every fat girl knows what I'm talking about when I say that I had to "stretch out" all of my shirts before I put them on. I don't have to anymore! The t-shirts hang on me, the same as before, but without me having to stretch them out! I'm sure it seems like a small deal, but it really does save a little time in the morning! hahaha!

On a blah note...I'M STARVING!! The swelling has apparently gone out of my pouch and my stoma, making them both bigger; therefore, the pouch holds more, and the stoma lets more food go through faster. So...regardless of why, I'm hungry! I'm still on my full liquid diet....and my love of tomato soup is fading rapidly!

I must confess...I cheated a few nights ago. I know, I know...I shouldn't have! Here's what happened: it was about 3 am (I got my days and nights mixed up for a few days), and I was starving, bored, sleepy, etc...all I could do was think about food! So I went on a food hunt in my kitchen. The ONLY thing I had that was not on my diet were green olives. Seriously...green olives. Sooo...I ate one. I chewed it to a pulp...for a good minute before I swallowed. Man was it good!! The first one went down so well, I went for a second one. Then I got mad at myself and ended up throwing the whole jar off the back deck (thanks to a little persuasion by AK).

Work starts back tomorrow. I'm on light duty, which means no lifting/turning/pulling patients. I guess I will make the "Save your Back" committee at work happy!! I'm a little nervous about going back...I'm always nervous about work when I haven't been in awhile! But it will be good to get out of the house and to get back on a regular schedule!! I promise to keep you all updated!

Thanks for everything! A special thanks to mom for taking such good care of me while I was staying with her and dad. She's a great nurse and an even better mom. She seems to make everything better when I'm feeling down. I hope to be able to do the same for her someday!

Love to all, Molly

1 week post op...and still kicking!

So it's been exactly 1 week since I had lap band surgery. Things are getting better and better each day! It's still hard to remember to crush all of my pills, but I guess it will become a habit before too long! It amazes me that the stoma is soooo small, that even a tiny pill would get stuck. I'm on the full liquid diet now which is: 2 protein shakes, 6oz yogurt, 4oz pudding, 8oz tomato soup, sf jello and popsicles, water, water, water! I'm having a really tough time fitting it all in! The last two days, I've only had 1 protein shake...I am definitely going to have to get better about that! I just don't have the desire to eat. I don't have a hungry feeling, and food is the last thing on my mind! Very weird, but true...

So here's what everyone wants to know....how much have I lost?? I am still weighing only one time a week, every Tuesday. This morning the scales showed that I've lost a total of 21 pounds! Remember I lost 13 pounds during the 3-week diet, so that's 7 pounds lost since surgery. These have been, by far, the hardest 21 pounds I have ever lost, but it's so amazing knowing I will never see these pounds again! They are gone forever...I don't know where they've gone (hopefully to none of you!), but it's great knowing they will never destroy my body again!

I am off of work the rest of the week, but will return next Wednesday. Until then, I plan on getting back my strength by walking (can't start "working out" again until after my 1 month appt with Fuzz).

I know I repeat myself every post, but THANKS for all of your support and prayers! I can't tell you how much it means to know people are behind you and supporting you during such a life-changing process!

Much love, Molly

5 pounds down and counting...

Woohoo! Surgery is over, and as of today, I've lost 5 pounds since Tuesday! That brings my grand total to 18 pounds!! Nobody said it was going to be easy though...and it has definitely had its ups and downs (with more road blocks to come). Surgery went well. Apparently I talked mom into updating my blog while at the hospital...one of the many things I have done since surgery that I really don't remember!

My hospital experience was great! I walked a LOT...at least once every hour. Much thanks to mom and Meena for putting up with me waking up every hour! I wore my stupid SCD's even thought I hated them...it definitely gave me a new respect for my patients. They aren't kidding when they complain about them being too hot and itchy! I went for my barium swallow test Wednesday morning...the one thing I dreaded the most. BUT, it actually went really well. I flashed everyone to show them that my panties matched my gown and talked to everyone with a chalky mouth. I'm glad I was able to provide some comic relief on their hump day! It's amazing the things that Dilaudid will do to you!

I've spent the days since surgery at mom and dad's house. Mom is an awesome nurse! She has made sure I'm getting enough fluids, pain medicine, and exercise. The first night I had terrible pains in my left shoulder from the gas that is used to inflate your belly during surgery. It was horrible, but nothing a little Lortab, sleep, and heating pad couldn't fix. Since then, most of my pain is coming from the incision above my injection port, with gas pains only at night (after I've been sitting up all day). The incision over my port is about 2 inches long and close to my midline abdomen. The rest of my incision do not bother me anymore, which is great!

As far as eating, I've done really well. I am allowed 4-6 oz of broth, water, or crystal light each hour. I can have a total of 8-16 oz of juice every day. My favorite has been white grape juice! Drinking with a band in place is something that I had no preparation for. I have to take small sips constantly...no big gulps. If I take a big sip or drink too fast, I get a bad pain in my chest, similar to the pain felt if you swallow a french fry (yum!) sideways. I've gotten better at managing my sips and anticipating my pains from the band. Tomorrow will be a great day! I get to start full liquids including: protein shakes, jello, pudding, and yogurt! I will stay on this diet for 15 days (until September 29th). I haven't had much hunger pains since surgery, which is odd considering how little I'm taking in. When I do get hunger pains, they usually subside with 4oz of broth. I'm excited to see how protein shakes and yogurt settle with my band. I guess I will find out tomorrow!

I will keep everyone updated on my progress. Thanks to all of my visitors and everyone who has prayed and supported me! I would NOT be able to go through this progress with YOU!

Love, Molly

This is Molly's Mom, Matella

It's 4:20am and Molly has made me her secretary to create a new blog post. She has done really well and surgery was quick and successful shortly after noon on Tuesday, September 8. Lots of walking already with bearable pain. Had a few visit visitors and has napped off and on.
Of course, she has had the left shoulder pain and is now hurting some with movement at her incision sites (5 of them). She is very tired of the leg squeezers but knows that she must wear them all the time in the bed.
The GREATEST nursing staff and CNA's are here at the Baptist along with the docs. The surgery went really well per Fuzz and the only unseen problem was a small hiatal hernia which is now repaired. Apparently 40% of the population has one and doesn't even know it!
Anyway, she just got more pain meds and is a little warm and wooozy now.........very smiley! Her Mom is happy she is going to rest cause I need sleep too! HAHA!
Thanks for all your phone calls, texts and especially your prayers! Molly loves all of you and truly values your friendship.
We hope to leave this afternoon after she has the mandatory barium swallow to check the band position. She will write as soon as she feels stronger.
Love to all,
Da Momma and soon to be skinny meenie, Molly

It's surgery time!!

Hola! I'm sitting here, patiently waiting for mom and dad to come pick me up to head to the Baptist. Amazingly enough, I slept great last night! After some early (and I mean EARLY) morning texts and phone calls, I decided to go ahead and get up. I took a looooong hot shower, shaved (because I HATE when my patients come in for a planned surgery and their leg hair is longer than their head hair), and finished packing everything up. No worries, I have my camera!! I plan to document this on tape...I can't wait for the post-op pics of me high as a kite! I haven't eaten since Sunday (with the exception of some killer watermelon at Meena's last night), but I'm amazingly satisfied and not starved. I am super positive that this surgery will go well...Fuzz is a great surgeon, and I could not be in better hands. Keep me in your prayers, and I'll talk to everyone on the flip (skinny) side!

Love, Molly

My life, the rollercoaster...

So much has happened in the past day! As you can see below, I was told yesterday morning I had been approved for surgery. I was sooo excited! I spent the day cleaning my house, doing laundry, and finishing up any last minute details before the weekend. Then, around 5 last night, I got a phone call from Fuzz, my surgeon. He told me that my surgery was canceled, because MedCost had decided I didn't meet all of the requirements. I was a complete wreck. Everyone who knows me knows I'm not a cryer, but I totally fell apart last night. I could not see any positive side in this, and was so crushed!! (Thanks to Kim, Marie, Adrianna, and Mom for listening to me cry and moan ALL NIGHT!) So after barely any sleep last night, I got a call from the owner of MedCost who wanted to explain why I had been denied. I told him all of my concerns and explained how destressing this had been to me, so he agreed to talk it over with Fuzz again. So at 10:30, he called back and said he was "willing to take the risk" and let me have surgery. I was completely shocked and didn't know where to go from there. My pre-op appointment had been scheduled for 10:30, so I was already late for it. I called Amber, who told me to haul tail to the Baptist. She also mentioned that my surgery date had to be postponed to the 15th, which I told her would be fine. As I was heading to Winston, I called mom and dad...both told me there was no way they could get off work the 15th! Hmmm...more drama! I went ahead and did my pre-op assessment, and headed to the clinic for my H&P with Fuzz. I begged and begged for him to change my surgery date, and after promising to name my first 10 children after him, he agreed!

So surgery is NOW SET for September 8 at 10:45am. I'm sooo excited! I really can't explain to anyone how excited I am that this is finally happening. I know there will be more hurdles following surgery, but I feel like I'm still on track for everything to work out! This has definitely not been an easy decision or process, but I'm so happy I decided to proceed down this track. Thanks for keeping me in your prayers, and don't forget to say an extra one for me Tuesday morning!
Molly

5 days and counting...

I just got word from Amber, my nutritionist....MedCost decided to approve me for surgery! For everyone who didn't know, I got a letter last weekend saying that MedCost had denied me benefits for surgery. AHHHH!! So that left me with 1 week to fix things. Thanks to Amber, all the prayers, and my coworkers' patience, things worked out! I'm so excited now...and totally ready for this surgery! Not to mention a few days off of work :) I will be working this Sunday, then off for 2 weeks for healing time. Until Sunday, I'm planning on getting things straight around my house, and making sure everything is packed and ready for Tuesday! Thanks again for all of the prayers for this to work out and for my strength. For without HIM, I would not be able to do this!
Love, Molly

1 week down...2 to go!

Hey everyone! I wanted to check in and let everyone know how my diet is going. I had been on the 3-week diet for 1 week yesterday (Tuesday), so I decided to weigh. I was super excited to see what progress I had made, so first thing Tuesday morning, I dragged the scales out of its hiding place, and stepped on. Imagine my surprise when I saw I was 13.4 pounds lighter!! In one week! I actually stepped off and got back on the scales, thinking they were wrong. The most I've ever lost in a week is right at 8 pounds (on Weight Watchers). Seeing this much of a loss has given me new motivation and drive to push through the tough days. I know the weight loss will be less each week as my body adjusts, but this was exactly what I needed to make it through the next 2 weeks!

Today, mom and I went to the bariatric nutrition class held by my nutritionist, Amber. She's awesome! Very down to earth and realistic of the dramas of dieting. There were about 8 people in my class, plus a few support people. She gave each of us a bag with chewable vitamin samples and some extra protein shake samples...yum! I was the youngest person in the class, and probably one of the smaller ones. Imagine that! All of these people are in different stages of the process, but most have surgery dates for Sept 1 and Sept 15. It was nice meeting people going through the same thing as me...it made me feel somewhat normal for how I've been feeling the last week because they were all going through the same emotions! During the class, Amber taught us how to eat after surgery in order to let the band and our stomach heal. Thank goodness Mom was there to ask questions I hadn't thought of! Good news...I will still be able to chew gum after surgery!! I'll give more detailed updates on eating after the lap-band as I'm doing it.

Thursday night will be the first support group I've been to. Post-op lap band patients meet for 30 minutes before the group, while the bypass patients meet after the meeting. I'm excited to meet other post- and pre-op patients!

Hope everyone is doing well! Thanks for keeping up with my blog and supporting me!

Love, Molly

Mom always said, "If you can't say anything nice..."

"Don't say anything at all", right? Well, that's about how I've felt the last few days, so I've been a little distant from the computer...remember I promised to not be a negative nancy!

So today is day 5 of my 3 week diet...only 16 days left! The first few days were rough...it's hard to ration out so little food. It's also very tough adjusting to a new "full" feeling. Being chunky, I've always thought that "full" was a "OMG, I may puke, but I'll just unbutton my pants for now" kind of feeling. How wrong I have been! I'm finally starting to understand the difference between being satisfied and stuffed. It's been a huge change, mentally, but I feel like I'm making progress. You will all be glad to know that I have not cheated on my diet! The only caffeine I have is 1 cup of coffee in the morning, and I've completely cut out all soft drinks (diet and regular) and sweet tea (AHHHH!!!). I do feel a little bad about that last part...I keep thinking about all of those Mickey D employees that will be let go since I'm not keeping up their business anymore! I was feeling particularly hungry this morning when I got to work, and of course...in the break room, there were mini butterfingers, left over bday cake, and chips with helluva good dip! I threw my puny piece of chicken, veggies, and protein shakes in the fridge and high tailed it out of there!! So no cheating for me...I'm really proud of myself.

Next time I blog, I will post how much weight I've lost so far. Look for it around Tuesday! I'm only going to weigh once a week, so that I won't get discouraged and be tempted to slip on my diet if I gain .2 pounds one day.

So that's how things are going on this end! Thanks for everyone's support, prayers, and words of encouragement. I feel so blessed to have all of you as my support group!

Much Love, Molly

Here goes nothing...

Hey everyone! I've decided to blog about my experiences with my upcoming bariatric surgery...including everything that's included in the process! I guess the best place to start is the beginning:

I have always struggled with my weight. Numerous diets, weight loss programs, and nutritionists later, I am no smaller than when I started. Quite the opposite, actually! I have always been "ok" with my weight...tending to ignore it, or use it as a crutch or excuse not to do things. After seeing pictures from my 28th birthday, however, I was absolutely shocked into reality. I'm freaking huge! I know what you're all thinking..."we still love you", "you're a great girl", "weight doesn't mean everything"...I've heard all of these things. I appreciate everyone's support, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm morbidly obese. I had to figure this out for myself though. It was very easy for me to ignore it or blame it on my environment/schedule, but after looking at those pictures, I was completely shocked!

(Don't mind my face...I'm sure I was impersonating Nancy Grace)

So basically, my whole life I've been the funny, fat girl that everyone likes. I'm great with being the funny girl in a group, but I've finally decided I've had enough with being the fat girl. After talking with my doctor, we decided bariatric surgery would be my best option. The process leading up to surgery is a long one; filled with nutritionist, psychiatrist, doctors, and nurse practitioners...not mentioning insurance companies and a mandatory 6-month weight loss program (YUCK!). Now that it's all said and done, I am finally scheduled for lap-band surgery: September 8, 2009.

Tomorrow starts what is called the "3 week diet". It's a specialized diet which will help jumpstart my weight loss, shrink my fatty liver, and hopefully get rid of any other problems which can be a challenge during surgery. To prepare, mom came over this past weekend to help me clean out my pantry and fridge of all things bad. No reason to have it in the house if I can't eat it, right? Starting tomorrow, my diet will be limited to (with NO substitutions): 1 packet of oatmeal, 4oz sugar free jello, 6 oz light/nonfat yogurt, 3 oz fresh fruit, 2 cups raw OR 1 cup cooked veggies, 3 oz lean white meat, and 2 protein shakes (made with 8oz skim milk). Whew! I'm hoping these next 3 weeks will fly by!

So I'm sure you're all wondering why I want to blog about this. First of all, I want to be able to keep everyone updated. My family is so large (no pun intended), it's hard to remember who knows what. I want to keep this as hopeful, upbeat, and optimistic as possible. I promise not to use it only to vent...feel free to remind me of this promise if I become a Debbie Downer! Second, I want to keep this as new memories are made and old boundaries are crushed. I hope to have awesome before and after pics, measurements, and weights to share with you all. I think having a huge support group will help me push through hard times. Lastly, I hope to encourage other people. I am finally feeling comfortable about sharing my weight loss struggles, and would like to share my knowledge and should've/would've 's with others who also struggle.

So that's it for now. I will definitely have more information in the coming weeks before my surgery. Keep checking back, and thanks in advance for all of your prayers and love!